We all need at least one person who we can turn to and count on. This person is often our partner or spouse. When this special relationship is working well, we are able to ace most of life’s challenges without becoming overwhelmed. On the other hand, if we are stuck in disconnection with our significant other, we lose some of our strength and tend to struggle more. Research is showing that having an emotional connection with our life partner is good for our health and soothes our nervous systems. We are “wired for love” neurologically.
When we first fall in love, we are in tune with our loved one. We are playing the same melody at the same time. We feel happy and relaxed. Everything is easy, we are always there for the other person, and the other person is there for us. This requires no effort. But due to the demands and stresses of our everyday life, couples can disconnect. Sometimes every effort to reconnect can just push each other further and further away.
There are three interactional ways that take over when humans emotional relationships are under stress. We could call the first one “Looking for the bad guy”. This is when we blame each other for the unhappy situation in which both of the members of the couple are.
The second one would be “Pursuing and distancing”. One is not better or worse than the other. A problem occurs only when a pattern of pursuing and distancing becomes entrenched. When this happens, the behaviour of each partner provokes and maintains the behaviour of the other.
The third and last one is “The Silence”. Both members of the couple feel so far away from each other and communication has become so difficult that there is not even protesting for the lack of connection, just silence.
Unlike other approaches to Couple’s Therapy, EFT offers an approach that really help people to deal with their conflicts and crisis and to improve their relationships. It allows the therapist to guide the couple through difficult conversations, bringing up the inner feelings that will encourage both members in a relationship to move closer to each other.
With EFT I will help you to feel close to each other again. How do I do this?
You will be able to connect with your deeper feelings and learn what you need from each other. You will also be able to ask your partner to fill those emotional needs in a way that will make him/her available and respondent. You will feel supported and in tune again. This doesn’t mean that you won’t eventually disconnect, but if you do, you will still feel safe in your relationship and reconnection won’t take as long and it won't be as painful.
If you have ever asked yourself any of the questions below and you have not been able to answer them yourself, maybe you might want to consider coming to therapy.
- Why do I feel so lonely in this relationship?
- What is happening?
- Why is he/she complaining all the time?
- Why do we fight all the time?
- Why is he /she never happy?
- Can I trust him/her?
- Am I doing anything wrong?
- Is it my fault or is it his/hers?
- Do I still love him/her?
- Does he/her still love me?
- Should I just give up and look for someone that makes me feel as happy as I was before?
- When did we grow apart?
- Could we tune ourselves again?
- Could we be happy together again?